Not Alone
by digitalfletch
Summary: Cal looks back over the events of season 2 and realizes that he's not alone. Set during the restaurant scene at the end of episode 2.22 'Black and White.' Callian.


"You just won't let yourself trust anyone, will you?"

The words hit home, like bullets fired directly at his heart. Cal had to carefully school his face to conceal that Emily's words had scored with him. He hated to admit it to himself, but in one sense it was true. With his skills he saw deceit everywhere, in everyone – his case subjects, his friends, his staff, his colleagues, even his family.

He hadn't trusted Zoe, his former wife, the mother of his child.

He didn't even trust his own daughter. Well, he did, but only up to a point. Emily was mature, intelligent and highly sensible, far more sensible in many ways than he was, if the truth were told. But she was also a teenager – not completely formed yet, still learning the ways of the world and lacking the experience that only comes with the passing of time. He trusted her, but he didn't always trust her decision-making. Not with peer pressure, and not with all the temptations that surrounded her. No parent in his right mind would.

Emily continued, "And that's why you'll always be alone."

_Alone_. Cal considered for a moment, and then screwed up his face. _Nah_. He wasn't alone.

Because in another sense his lovely, precocious, annoyingly perceptive daughter was wrong.

There was one person he trusted. One person he trusted completely, with everything, all that he was.

He glanced out the window and, as though his thoughts had conjured her out of the air, there she was, sitting down at a small table outside the restaurant with a book in her hand. Feeling her pull on him like a gravitational attraction he stood immediately to make for the door, but stopped for a moment to look down at his daughter.

"I'm not alone." Not while he had Em. And not while he had Foster.

She was his Leo. He'd meant that, what he said to Clara. Foster was his best friend, she always had his back, and she would do anything in the world to protect him. And he couldn't mask the pride in his voice when he said it, feeling the intense, miraculous joy of knowing that somehow this absolutely amazing woman had become so deeply woven into the fabric of his life.

She was his blind spot. Like the oblique angle of a car that hid the perils of traffic moving up from behind, he would never see danger coming from her direction. Because he couldn't imagine she would ever do anything to deliberately hurt him. He had faith in that – had faith in her – the same way he had faith that the sun would rise every morning.

That was why he could forgive her without hesitation for the secret that she'd kept from him for seven long years – even before he knew what it was. And in the end when he'd finally found out that she'd kept her silence about a Pentagon cover-up in order to save his life, he knew that his faith had been justified.

They brought out the best in each other.

Sometimes his quest for the truth could be harsh, even brutal, but he trusted Foster to pick up the pieces, to step in and repair the damage he left in his wake. Just as she, in turn, trusted him not to break anything she couldn't fix.

Yes, Foster was his Leo.

But she was so much more than that. He'd always known it, even begun to acknowledge it to himself once it was clear that what he and Zoe once had was irreversibly dead and buried.

Up until last year she had been strictly off limits – married, unhappily, he could see, but there were some boundaries that even he wouldn't cross. And so he'd kept his distance, respected the line they'd drawn between their professional and their personal lives, and bided his time.

And the feelings didn't go away. He'd been half out of his mind with worry when she'd rung him that intruders had broken into her house and robbed Ava right there in her kitchen. He wanted to strangle them with his bare hands when he saw how they'd terrified her. And kids or not, if they'd hurt her he wouldn't have been responsible for his actions. In the end he was just thankful that she was ok, and that eventually she'd let him gently needle her out of her fear.

Yes, he'd known for a long time that the way he felt about Foster went far beyond friendship. But it was only in these last few months that he'd begun to be able to say it aloud.

'_Of course I want her. In the worst possible way.'_ Cal winced, thinking back on it. It had all been part of the ruse, to get Moon to believe that he and Burns were falling out over Foster. Yet the words had been true, and even though he'd had his back to her at the time he was pretty certain she'd heard it in his voice. Foster was better at picking up on the veracity of people's voices than anyone he knew, himself included.

He wished now that he hadn't said it. He counted himself lucky that in the heat of battle it had passed unremarked, but that didn't mean it was forgotten. After all, this was Foster – she never missed an emotional truth, and she never forgot.

Just right now he wasn't sure he could face the inevitable conversation about it, the one that had the potential to conjure up the 'L' word, and where that might lead. Of course Cal wanted her to be happy. That was a no-brainer – he wanted it more than anything else in the world. But he also knew the darkness that lurked within himself, his need – his compulsion – to live on the edge, and he didn't want that taint to ever touch her. She deserved far better than that. And yet…

Burnsey'd certainly had some of the same darkness within him. Had to – there was no way he could live undercover for so long without exploiting the darker, baser sides of his nature, just to survive. And Foster clearly knew about it, but she hadn't run. She hadn't been the good girl, and fled the relationship in search of the cozy middle class life that she thought she'd been getting at the start. No, she'd stuck it out, and more – when the chips were down she faced the darkness in defense of her man with a single-minded ferocity that left him both stunned and admiring.

If anything, it made him more attracted to her than ever – though he wasn't sure how that was even possible.

She was so very beautiful. And yet, her external beauty was not merely comprised of her physical attributes – which were considerable – but were also a reflection of her inner radiance. A radiance that took his breath away anew each time he saw her. He'd never felt this way about anyone in his life. She was everything he had ever wanted, everything he would ever need. But at least he still had the good sense not to frighten her out of her wits by saying it aloud.

Not now, anyway.

Someday? Perhaps.

Someday.

And maybe then he'd be able to kiss her for real – not just for playacting.

He thought back to that afternoon in the porn film producer's office, his mind's eye conjuring up their kiss. Lingering over the details – her sweet scent that overwhelmed his senses, her lips warm and alive on his. Her hand on his thigh, right there… Bloody woman was going to spoil him for anyone else. Not that he was complaining, mind.

In fact, they really ought to do those undercover couple gigs more often.

The thought warmed him. A little too much. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, he pulled the restaurant door open and strode out onto the sidewalk.

"Hi, darlin'," he drawled, trying to appear casual as he sauntered up to her table.

Her face lit. "Hi." She marked the open page in her book and closed it, turning her full attention to him.

"How ya doin'?" he asked, not bothering to hide his concern. He was grateful to see that yesterday's events hadn't put her off coming here, to this place that she and Burns had frequented. He hoped it was a sign that, in time, she would be able to move past everything that had happened.

She tilted her head a bit in that way he loved. "I'm…I'm ok."

Cal basked in the glow of her wide smile beaming directly at him. He could die right now a very happy man. Yes, he did want her. In the worst possible way. And when the time was right, he would show her. In the meantime…

"Come in." He gestured back toward the restaurant, where he could see his daughter watching them intently through the window. "Come an' have a tiny, ridiculously overpriced lunch with Em and me."

If anything her smile widened. "Ok."

_Ok_. Cal nodded. _Yeah_. As long as Foster was with him, everything was going to be ok.

FIN


End file.
